Navigating Sexual Trauma Within the Couple: A Path to Healing Together
You're not alone if sexual trauma is affecting your relationship. The truth is, sexual trauma impacts far more couples than you might realize, and there's hope for healing together.
Sexual Trauma is More Common Than You Think
If you or your partner has experienced sexual trauma, you're part of a much larger community than most people understand. According to the National Sexual Violence Resource Center (RAINN), an estimated 423,020 people age 12 and older experience sexual violence each year in the U.S. Even more striking, research shows that almost half of women in the US have experienced some form of sexual violence in their lifetime, and nearly a quarter of men have experienced sexual violence.
What does this mean for relationships? A large percentage of relationships are affected by sexual assault and intimacy issues as a result. You're navigating something that countless other couples face, and recognizing this can help reduce the isolation and shame that often comes with sexual trauma.
How Sexual Trauma Affects Your Relationship
When you've experienced sexual trauma, it doesn't just affect you individually—it ripples through your entire relationship. Understanding these effects is the first step toward healing together.
Emotional and Physical Intimacy Challenges
Sexual trauma can impact future romantic relationships in many ways, especially if it is not healed. You may fear trusting your significant other, which can interfere with emotional intimacy. You may also avoid sexual intimacy, as any sexual contact can trigger trauma symptoms.
Some couples therapy clients tell us they feel like they're "going through the motions" of being intimate without truly connecting. You may emotionally distance yourself from your partner, putting up walls to protect yourself even though you want closeness.
Trust and Communication Issues
Many survivors harbor a deep-seated belief that no one can really be trusted, that intimacy is dangerous, and for them, a real loving attachment feels like an impossible dream. If this resonates with you, know that these feelings make complete sense given what you've been through.
You might find yourself having intense reactions that seem out of proportion to what's happening in the moment. These outbursts often stem from triggers that evoke memories of the trauma or create a sense of emotional or physical vulnerability. Your partner may struggle to understand these reactions, leading to miscommunication and hurt feelings.
Changes in Sexual Connection
Sexual trauma can negatively impact your relationship with sex in a big way. Not all survivors of sexual trauma stop having sex or have sex less. In fact, some people increase their sexual activity after sexual trauma, but the reasons behind this are unhealthy.
Whether you're avoiding physical intimacy completely or engaging differently than before, these changes can create confusion and distance in your relationship.
The Gottman Method: A Research-Based Path Forward
At Awakenly, we use the Gottman Method because it's specifically designed to help couples navigate complex challenges, including the impact of sexual trauma on relationships. Dr. Julie Gottman describes the impact of PTSD on committed relationships using real examples of trauma caused by early abandonment, childhood abuse, and military combat. She demonstrates a therapeutic approach that interweaves individual PTSD treatment with Gottman Method Couples Therapy.
Building Your Sound Relationship House
The Gottman Method focuses on creating what they call a "Sound Relationship House"—nine components that help couples build stronger, more resilient relationships. For couples dealing with sexual trauma, this approach is particularly helpful because:
Love Maps: You learn to truly know each other's inner worlds, including understanding how trauma has shaped your experiences and needs.
Fondness and Admiration: You rebuild the positive feelings that brought you together, counteracting the negativity that trauma can introduce to your relationship.
Turning Toward Each Other: You develop skills to recognize when your partner needs support, especially during difficult moments related to trauma triggers.
Specialized Trauma Interventions
The Gottman approach includes teaching couples how to conduct a Stress-Reducing Conversation when PTSD is involved and how to conduct an Aftermath of a Regrettable Incident Exercise when PTSD is involved. These tools help you navigate the unique challenges that trauma brings to your relationship.
Trauma-Informed Couples Therapy at Awakenly
Our approach combines the proven effectiveness of the Gottman Method with trauma-informed therapy principles. This means we understand that:
Your reactions and behaviors make sense given your experiences
Healing happens at your pace, not on anyone else's timeline
Both partners are affected by trauma, even if only one experienced it directly
Safety—emotional and physical—is the foundation of all healing work
What Trauma-Informed Couples Therapy Looks Like
In our trauma-informed approach, we help you:
Understand Your Triggers: Think about the specific things that can bring on your fear or cause flashbacks. Are there types of touch your partner should avoid? Do certain sounds, smells, or textures bring up the trauma? Understanding these patterns helps both of you navigate intimate moments more safely.
Develop Communication Skills: We teach you how to talk about difficult topics without triggering each other. You'll learn to express your needs clearly while also responding to your partner with compassion.
Rebuild Intimacy Gradually: Many couples benefit from practicing active consent, which allows for an ongoing dialogue around sexual consent. Rather than consent being a simple "yes" or "no," it is seen as something that can happen before, during, and after sexual intimacy.
Process Trauma Together: Individual therapy and couples therapy, specifically trauma-informed therapy, works by helping couples begin to see how they experienced traumatic abuse or neglect, and how it still affects them, and impacts their current relationships.
Your Journey Toward Healing
Healing from sexual trauma within your relationship isn't about "getting over it" or returning to how things were before. It's about creating something new together—a relationship that acknowledges your experiences while building toward a future filled with genuine intimacy, trust, and connection.
Research shows that Gottman couple therapy has positive effects on improving marital adjustment and couples' intimacy, with enduring effects that last beyond treatment. When combined with trauma-informed approaches, couples often find they develop a deeper, more authentic connection than they had before.
Taking the Next Step
If sexual trauma is affecting your relationship, remember that seeking couples therapy isn't about admitting failure—it's about choosing to invest in your future together. At Awakenly, our therapists are trained in both the Gottman Method and trauma-informed approaches, giving you the comprehensive support you need.
You deserve a relationship where you feel safe, understood, and truly connected. Although many sexual trauma victims may fear relationships, a positive and close connection with an intimate partner that they trust can ultimately be healing.
Your trauma is part of your story, but it doesn't have to define your relationship's future. With the right support and evidence-based approaches, you can build the loving, secure partnership you both deserve.
